Waiting for Understanding

Godot, or what I mean to say, Understanding, never shows up in Samuel Beckett’s play. Never arrives. Finding meaning in the play seems elusive. Like life. And yet at the same time the audience is mysteriously drawn into the act. But just when you’ve had a enough, waiting for something to happen, right before you are about to ‘give up‘ and ‘leave,’ hope and curiosity are piqued. You stay. Something niggles your attention… You wait. And you wait some more. But nothing happens. Then something else troubles you, a suggestion deep inside that you erred. The thought crosses your mind that your sin is one of omission, in ‘not acting.’ Not taking the stage. Not deciding! And instead watching, waiting… but this strategy never got you anywhere. Maybe because you were just content being a part of the crowd; the audience. Like in a dream, where all the seats in the auditorium are empty except one. There is only you sitting there in the middle of a cavernous space. An audience of one, you. And you, simultaneously playing to that audience in the theater of your own mind. Suddenly, a chorus breaks out into a refrain from a Dave Matthew’s tune that repeats over and over again… “stay or leave, I want you not to go but you should… it was good as good goes…” We can be so ambivalent. So fickle.

Remembering LeRoi Moore

Google the word “aveira” and you will SEE that it is Hebrew for transgression, and also “avone” or “iniquity” which essentially mean wrong doing or committing a sin, a misdeed or self indulgence done out of some moral failing; implying a shortcoming of character or lacking the knowledge of knowing what is right in the spirit of things. “Hata” too is Hebrew and translates as ‘going astray.’ And it is interesting that “halakha,” or Jewish law, literally means “way” or “path”. So, to sin is to stray from the path. Noel Tyl doesn’t explicitly state this in his book, Vocational Analysis, that ‘going astray‘ is equivalent to committing a sin, but I think it is implied. He does explicitly state the importance of identifying one’s calling in life; drawing out how critical it is for the individual to get on the right track. Why? Because it is essential for the realization of personal fulfillment; finding meaning in life. No other approach can hold a roman candle (or any other kind of candle) to this process. He called it the Midheaven Extension Process, or MHEP for short. This process proves to be an absolutely stellar discovery. But the path depicted in the horoscope for self-realization and personal fulfillment, if avoided [see previous post Law of Aversion] is tantamount to committing a sin: a mortal sin against your self.

Law of Aversion

In the New Testament the Greek term “ἁμαρτία hamartia” means “to miss the mark,” a term which ironically seems to “hit the mark” from a Christian perspective. To miss the mark is to sin, to not take proper aim; to not consider your target. The imagery of the Archer and his bow corresponds to the sign of Sagittarius; 9th house stuff. The preacher, the righteous, the higher order and knowledge of things. Beckett, who was no stranger to the Bible once said, “the only sin is that of being born.” How original. His existential cynicism, in his Augustian way, admits that these everyday transgressions are just a part of life. We sin, in order to reconnect ourselves with higher things. To know better our failings and shortcomings; our limits. The environment despite our moral inclinations is “permissive” of “sin” so that we might come to know and experience the touch of grace under pressure. In other words, we know evil in order to know good. Shadow stuff or the stuff of the Aghora. Beckett also said, “One is what one is, partly at least.” A statement which to my mind begs the question, which part will I be today? Can I get on track? Stay on the path? Or just wait here. Wait for a sign. My own personal experience suggests that there is always a glimmer of hope, that there is indeed more. Didi and Gogo aren’t wrong in this respect. And perhaps this is what draws the audience into their orbit. They represent the universal seeker albeit a tired and worn out version. But are “we” doomed to wait for “Godot” forever? What one is, at least in how Beckett phrases it, suggests that something is missing. Some part of us has gone astray. Whatever that missing part happens to be is not a person or a thing. We are not seeking a part of ourselves somewhere out there that we need to Go after… what’s missing may not be related to the cross of the tree or the dot of the “i,” not at all. What’s missing is a substance that brings ALL the parts together within us: SYNTHESIS. And after putting ALL those things together we can finally FULLY ACT in the world. And so, we wait for it.

The Waiting for Godot Wikipedia page states that “the title was suggested to him by the slang French term for boot: “godillot.” The play opens with Estragon (Gogo) struggling to take his boots off. Finally, giving up he mumbles “Nothing to be done.” Digging a bit deeper into the derivation of “godillot,” we discover that more specifically it means a military boot . And this together with the archer’s metaphor above alludes to the broken heart of the warrior. The fight is gone. Missing! Assertiveness and striving for significance has fallowed. He is not someone who has taken proper aim to support himself in his old age. His focus and concentration on the target has blurred. He has resigned himself to the dust collecting on his ragged coat. Tragically, he is not answering to a higher authority, he is no longer a spiritual warrior, but instead an artifice or puppet on the string of a tyrannical and critical master.

But this is an astrology blog. I am not a literary critic or English professor. I am an astrologer. And I know that Pisces rules the feet. And so footwear (“godillot“) is a Piscean reference which ruled by Neptune, among other things, suggests vision, art, music, imagination and UNDERSTANDING. But so often with Neptune, things are other than they seem. This is why it is so important to understand that wherever I place my feet determines what is underneath me. Determines what I stand for. When I know where I stand I know my place. I understand! The world becomes a stable place; revealing the clarity of things. Things line up!

Within the vagaries of life that implode on most souls, I think Beckett catches the elusive “fish” in a net of incomprehensible beauty and wondrous prose. It is so dark and so cynical and so REAL. In an interview he mentions that the play is about exploring impotence. Becket was @43 when the play premiered. He was feeling his age already and made reference through his characters an obsession with things PAST. Lost ambition. Lost opportunity. And also fear and uncertainty of the FUTURE: with aging, losing control of the body and mind. Getting old. Pozzo and Lucky for example were together for 60 years… and increasingly, they become dependent on each other. Pozzo and Lucky not only represent the puppeteer and marionette idea, they also seem to represent two separate “parts” of “one is what one is.” And yet, even after 60 years, they are still not able to “get it together” before the final curtain. This is life. This is #AstrologyIRL This is Us…

Some people don’t wait. They can’t help it. What is it exactly that sets these individuals apart? It’s an interesting question and why we study the charts of celebrities. Why? To learn something about ourselves that might apply in some smaller way to make our lives better. Not everyone can finish at the top of their game, and like in Beckett’s play Godot, some of us never get in the game to begin with; the clock runs out. But maybe we can take a few small steps and SEE ourselves getting some “playing time.” To not wait anymore. To stop committing unforced iniquities against ourselves and instead aim for the right track. And them fully commit to the mastery of the thing. In the interim between when I began writing this post and prepared to hit publish, I learned about Kobe Bryant’s book The Mamba Mentality. And of course I learned about his tragic death. He was no “GoGo” because he apparently could never sit still. He definitely was one of the one’s who couldn’t wait. He was “in the game.” ALL IN! “Stay or leave, I want you not to go…”

Kobe Bryant August 23, 1978-January 26, 2020

“… but you did.”

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