Hudson Valley Astrologer

“It’s only by saying NO that you can concentrate on the things that are really important.”

~ Steve Jobs

Are you determined? Steadfast? Relentlessly focused on what you need to achieve? These are all great questions, but sometimes it’s just as important to learn how to say “no”—especially when your best efforts feel like hitting your head against a wall. Looking at the question from a different perspective can be illuminating: “How often do you say ‘no’ to things that interfere with your goals?” Or better yet: “How often do you say ‘no’ to things that conflict with your values, sense of autonomy, or life’s mission?” Sometimes our goals are misplaced, and having the discernment to recognize this is key to finding true alignment.

There may not be a simple answer to this question. I’ve laid out goals for myself many times and, to varying degrees, achieved some measure of success. But have I gotten distracted from my goals? Absolutely—whether by saying ‘yes’ to someone else or listening to an inner voice that persuaded me to take a different path.

Wondering if I am on the right path has always been one of my greatest challenges. When Stephen Covey wrote his bestseller 7 Habits of Highly Successful People, I had the opportunity to attend a small moderated workshop based on his teachings. Covey shared many brilliant insights that have stood the test of time, but one anecdote gave me pause: “If the ladder is not leaning against the right wall, every step we take just gets us to the wrong place faster.” In my view, Covey suggests that aligning our hopes and ambitions with our actions is even more important than climbing the ladder itself. Without this alignment, we risk pursuing success that ultimately feels hollow.

Our culture seems addicted to success and self-improvement, which often translates into an obsession with saying “yes”—to opportunities, commitments, and demands. But sometimes saying “no” is the more empowering choice. It allows us to reject anything that doesn’t align with our values and resist external pressures that threaten to break our concentration or undermine our will. In a world that glorifies constant action, learning to say “no” can be a radical act of self-preservation and purpose.

Angelina Jolie directed the film Unbroken in 2014, based on the true story of Louis Zamperini, an Olympian and U.S. Army Air Force bombardier who was taken prisoner after surviving a harrowing 47 days at sea in a life raft. He and his crew captured rainwater to drink and used an albatross as bait to catch fish, which they ate raw. While surviving shark attacks, enemy strafing, and starvation was extraordinary, it was only a prelude to Zamperini’s greatest test—enduring the brutal psychological and physical abuse inflicted by Mutsuhiro Watanabe, a sadistic Japanese sergeant known as “The Bird.” Despite relentless attempts to break him, Zamperini’s resilience remained unshaken, making his story a powerful testament to the human spirit.

These kinds of hero stories celebrate the human spirit in ways that are undeniably inspiring. Yet they are often appropriated by corporations to motivate employees, framing them as heroes tasked with achieving organizational goals—even when those goals may not align with personal values. Watanabe’s cruelty can be metaphorically linked to the spirit-crushing demands of certain corporate environments that erode one’s sense of autonomy and willfulness. If Zamperini could resist the abusive forces trying to break him, surely we can learn to say “no”—to both external pressures and the inner voice that misleads us into sabotaging our own efforts or surrendering to paths misaligned with our Dharma.

Sometimes we have to say “no” before we can say “yes.” Saying “no” isn’t just about avoiding distractions; it’s about affirming our commitment to what truly matters—our values, goals, and purpose. Like Zamperini resisting external forces meant to break him, we too must resist internal doubts and external pressures that pull us away from our true path. Whether it’s an ill-chosen career or a daily temptation that diverts us, saying “no” can be one of the most empowering choices we make—one that keeps us aligned with our deepest sense of purpose.

HVA

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