Hudson Valley Astrologer

“When humility delivers a man from attachment to his own works and his own reputation, he discovers that perfect joy is possible only when we have completely forgotten ourselves. And it is only when we pay no more attention to our own deeds and our own reputation and our own excellence that we are at last completely free to serve God in perfection for His own sake alone”

~ Thomas Merton

When he said, “your humility is beginning to grow,” I was 46. He was my teacher and I was working hard to catch up with my life’s aspiration, to be a guide and counselor to others. But lessons in humility come slowly, sometimes they are exceedingly difficult, and often they are painful.

Faith is an interesting paradox for the ego to grapple with in terms of failure; finding confidence while remaining grounded and open to growth, to finding a balance between self-affirmation and participation in a larger reality. Paul Tillich refers to this dynamic as ego strength and ego power in his book The Courage to Be. On the one hand, self-affirmation, independence, and embracing a personality that is uniquely our own, leads our being in development. On the other, discovering significance as part of a community, a larger whole, or perhaps being affirmed within the universal structure of all living things, leads our being in terms of how we “believe” we fit into existence with others, or not. Tillich’s representation of the ego has two sides, the individualized ego (strength) and the participatory ego (power), emphasizing that not one or the other be dominant within the face of existential anxiety. Instead we seek to find balance and harmony between the extremes.

It would seem that the assertion of ego strength is aggrandized lately in such a way that ego power has been usurped in the current milieu, appropriated for individual means and gain, at the expense of others, not necessarily for the community or for the universal structure. This duplicity reveals a troubling dissonance: many profess faith in principles of humility and service, yet their actions betray a pursuit of self-interest that undermines the very essence of the values they claim to uphold.

To bridge the divide between ego strength and ego power, my striving to cultivate self-awareness and to nurture humility alongside greater confidence has been lacking. I am not Jesus! Meanwhile, grounding my actions in collective well-being rather than self-serving ambition never quite comes in for a landing. Again, I am not Jesus! However, I have not given up on the aim to align my inner resilience (or higher power) with outward responsibility. I am committed to reducing the dissonance I feel and experience in my own spirit and to encourage a more harmonious balance that embodies both personal integrity and a dedication to the greater good.

In my meditations on astrological expressions, the relationship of the Sun and Moon represents this seesaw dynamic between two extremes, between strength and power. But no matter the blend of solar energy with the iridescent needs of the Moon, life appears to be a struggle. Even the most iconic of all religious symbols appears to be off center and suggests perhaps an even more profound message than followers and adherents care to admit. That self-sacrifice can be overdone and out of balance. Coming to center, not leaving the self-behind, suggests a more empowered stance is necessary, to serve the world and the people in it, and not some idea about a life-hereafter.

HVA

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